Over this Sunday I experienced complete chaos and bitter coldness here in Edmonton. I was witness to families fighting each other, small children with vicious intent in their eyes, random strangers locked in duels surviving only by their dexterity and quickness of feet, loved ones betraying one another and laughing at the damage they wrought... it was all out war in the river valley!
Scheming a Battle Plan
Sunday was the absolutely epic YEGsnowfight event (which I can only hope returns and becomes at least an annual event) If you're from Edmonton you may of heard about the event that was put together by a couple of local fellas here. Through the lovely magic of social media many Edmontonians and folk from the surrounding area came together to descend down into the Edmonton River Valley to the Kinsmen Park area for a battle of snow!
What started off as a good natured jaunt as two equally matched sides gently lobbed the snowy projectiles at one anotherit soon escalated into all-out war complete with organized volleys of snowballs, courageous charges through the no man’s land, and many many face fulls of snow.
I survived, and this is my story...
As I approached the battlefield I could see the projectiles arching through the sky leaving an icy trails in their wake as if they were streaking comets in the night sky. I soon left my donation of canned goods at the edge of the field hopping the offering to the Edmonton Food Bank would bring me protection in the coming fight. As I entered the fray I decided to offer my allegiance to the troops on the Western edge of the fighting grounds. As I approached the ranks of the Westerner's I was ambushed by a troop hiding within a small hastily built snow bunker. To this day I do not know if they were Easterlings hiding in their fortifications behind enemy lines or if we were simply mistaken for the enemy. I quickly hurled several snowballs their way to keep them pinned as I made my escape. Soon I was in the think of the battle as I made my way to the front lines; as I crouched next to a young troop of winter soldiers armored in their protective snow suits I began to feed ammo to one young blue snow suited boy who was firing off his projectiles as quickly as I could make them as I placed them near his feet, his fire was not accurate but he hit targets none the less due to the sheer volume of Easterlings across the way.
This is where I received my first blow, as I turned my attention forward I glimpsed only for a moment the icy ball of pain flying towards me before it struck me in the face. Not knowing who my attacker was I began selecting targets at random before my comrades to the left directed my attention towards a young Easterling wearing a mohawked toque carrying a shovel which he would use as both a shield and a catapult. This cleverness had to be stopped soon we were hurling our snow balls his way till he fell back. We had foolishly thought we had won until he returned with a black toboggan which he stood on end making a nearly impenetrable defense.
Soon thereafter my once comrades decided to turn traitors and rushed to join the other side, my hasty throw only able to catch one of the traitorous scum on his right buttock as they rushed over. Soon there began numerous controlled and directed snow volleys as both sides exchanged calls of "1...2...3... FIRE!!!!". After several of these volley's is when I became locked into a duel with a long haired moustached opponent we exchanged several throws at one another until finally out of seemingly nowhere I was struck in the side of the head, luckily my beard offered protection cushioning much of the blow but it was to be of no help when a second strike hit me in the chest and a third toppled me as I was hit in the groin. I soon crawled my way to safety making my way to the rear of the Western line. After recomposing and a couple leg shakes I returned to the front, this is where I witnessed true courage... in attempt to rout the Easterling's battle line a gallant though foolhardy charge was led. As battle cries of "CHARGE!!!" rang through the unforgiving winter air the Easterlings did not waiver, instead they showed true discipline and held their line as what I can only imagine was a terrifying ordeal to witness the many blood thirsty children bearing down towards them as they surged forward snowballs poised to strike.
Man Down!
It was a slaughter... the Easterlings held their fire till the perfect moment when a volley of snow stuck the rushing Westerners and stopped them cold. At this time I made my escape seeing too much war for one day (also there was fresh food at my grandmother's place to get to)
Tye Eldridge